What does following your path really mean? It is so often talked about– following our own music, our path, but does anyone really know what that is? I, for one, read so many new age books to try and find the path, the ‘secret’ that was going to set me free from my fear of filling my needs.
There was this internal pulling I felt. I knew there was a way, yet I could not find the book or the person that would give me that one piece of information that was going to unlock the thoughts that were getting in my way so that I could finally wake up in the morning and not have the first thought that I woke up to being, in that nagging voice, “How was I going to make it through the day? How was I going to buy groceries, pay my electric bill, and pay the rent?”
I could never find the one part that would set me free. While I read the books I would feel so good. I could understand that they had found the peace or claimed to have found the peace. The books always talked about magical things that happened to them and yet they survived. They had found their magic and it seemed to have changed their life.
I knew I was suppose to be teaching, but, what was I going to teach when I could not even pay my electric bill? What kind of teacher would I ever be if I could not even do something so minor as pay my bills just to fill my basic needs. I was in constant struggle, “What is my Knowing? How do I find it?” .. there was this constant pull at my mind. I had moments of happiness. I had a life.
I could laugh and I could play. Yet, when I thought about it, there were the moments when I was all alone and looked around my home, it was peaceful and quiet, I had things, I had my children, I was married to a man who worked hard and played hard. Yet still, if I was going to be honest, there was that niggling at my internal most quiet space in my heart. So I kept trying and kept looking for the truth. I had not found the truth.
Then when I would contemplate I would begin to pray for a teacher. A teacher that had the wisdom’s to share with me so that I could set myself free from this existence that there was happiness in, but, it didn’t stay.
It didn’t stay because in my internal heart, my internal thoughts, there was this unrest about finding the truth that would set my mind at rest and my life would not have to have this strain that seemed to be getting in my way so often.
Things were always happening to me, I could never maintain the happiness that fills your thoughts and your daily life. That place where things, like getting hurt, didn’t take your breath away and put you in a space where you couldn’t get up again.
I did know somewhere inside of me I was being told that it was possible and I could have it and that was the one thing that made it worse. I just could not accept that my life was not meant to be something much more than what I was experiencing. That knowing, that thought in its self, kept me off balance, so I continued walking and reading and contemplating and studying until I began to have dreams of things that were going to be given to me. And one day I saw four volumes they were blue with white writing .
I do have to go back a bit… I have always dreamed, I have always had the ability to do many magical things, I just was very raw at it and did not have a Guardian who was able to help me hone my raw talents into usable skills that worked for me each and every time. So I began this blog that way. To show you that each of us has raw talents… we have a pull to find them inside of ourselves, that is why you are feeling unrest within the quiet being of self.
Even when you say you are happy, I hear so many of my clients, friends, students, say to me, “But I am happy. That must mean I am standing in the truth.” Yet, then why are they feeling the ‘ick’?
Why are your dreams not happening for you? Do you have all those creative things being experienced in your life? Do not tell yourself you cannot have your Dreams come true. That is bull crap and your internal god knows this…
Ask yourself, my Sweet ones, why are you telling yourself a story that you should be satisfied with only sometimes being happy? That is the question that will get you started on your path of finding your knowings and then knowing what to do with them.
P.S. I am back in the Western WI/Twin Cities MN area and would love to get together with you and a few of your friends if you’re in the area. If you might be interested in hosting a small gathering in your home let’s schedule it ASAP. More info HERE
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