I spend a lot of time with my students on finding and holding our/their own voice.
How do we really know what we are hearing is the truth for us? This is probably the hardest thing for us to become sure of. One of the reasons is we had parents raise us and not guardians. I will repeat this over and over again. Because we need to learn to become the guardian for self now.
We must learn and understand the crucial need for guardians and how they should be working.
Too many people think that being a parent is you doing what your parents did. Well, that is what got us not to hear our internal voice in the first place! How often when our parents asked us why we did something we said, “I do not know.” Yet we knew fully well why, we simply did not want to share why. Or felt we would get yelled at or worse spanked, hit, grounded, etc. and we did not want the punishment.
Any time there is a punishment involved guess who is in charge? The parent. Not the guardian. How can you tell? Guardians ask questions, they ask you about how you were feeling as your were making the choice. Then they ask you how you felt after you had experienced the choice. Asking with this understanding of your feelings now about your choice. Would you do it again?
Then as the guardian and you continue, it would be brought to your attention that with the same choice made the same result and feelings would be had. Not, that you should not do it, Or that you have done something wrong, simply that if you make the same choice you will receive the same outcome. That the outcome you have is always your choice to have. No, you say. Well then, simply make a different choice.
You are too scared to make a different choice. The Guardian would simply love you and remind you to take baby steps. That is all you have to take. Do not look at what the outcome is. Just what can you do today that will make you feel stronger about the choice you are making..
Can you see the difference – a parent, who would quilt you and make you feel obligated in one way or another, vs the questions and understanding you receive from a guardian? They are out there. Just open your eyes and ears so that you can see and hear their good advice.