This is a question I have spent much time on. By the time most people come to this question in their lives all holy heck is breaking loose in it. So what do we do?
I would begin with first by asking you to try understanding and feeling truly who and why you are you.
I always suggest to my students and clients that first and foremost you must come to know SELF.
We can only start from ground zero. Which is the core of your being.
I know from personal experience that giving up the habit of blaming people and experiences outside of ourselves is the hardest thing to do; To, in love, forgive ourselves for the stories we started and then repeated to the point of holding others responsible for our feelings, choices and experiences is truly the most challenging .
We start by looking at what we desire to be and what we need to experience. Then we must go back to our earliest memories of ourselves — what are the differences in our likes and dislikes now?
As we go and begin to hear what it is we were before we began to let others ideas and concepts intrude into our own, we realize this is when we began to lose our own power of choice. This is where you slowly began to start looking outside of yourself for confirmation of the choices you were about to make.
We have to go outside of ourselves at this point because we are making choices that have nothing to do with our own feelings, our needs or our likes. So we cannot feel the choice we could make.
The longer we have been doing this the farther we are away from our heart and the internal voice that we all have to guide us back to feelings and power… the power of true choice for self.
We could blame but why… where does that truly get us? As you are learning to get back to your voice I suggest that you also learn to be a guardian to yourself. That is different than being a parent… Yes, it is…
guardians only ask questions and let the person with the choice to make answer the questions. No expectations, no repercussions, only gentle love and understanding for the walk for clarity, peace, love and tranquility as we would have for ourselves.
Agree with me? If not, have the courage of your convictions to challenge me…
have a wonderful day and into the evening tide.