We are learning about being a guardian for ourselves. You would think that would be such a simple task for oneself. Yet how often do we really take the time to question ourselves about the choices we are making in each and every now?
When I am working with a new student or client the most interesting thing is to listen to how they have their self-talk. We, as a whole, are quite mean to ourselves. If ever there is a critic about who and what we are it is our very own voice. Yet I have seen that we became mimics of those voices we swore we did not want to sound like or even become.
Surprise! You became those well-meaning or not-so-well-meaning parents. But now you are terrorizing yourself and those that are now under your guardianship. “Arrrgggg,” we said, we swore we would never do that to our own beloved children. What did you do the first time you heard your parents words come out of your own mouth?
Were you as shocked as I was? It made me realize that I had to learn how to deal with a free thinking person in a whole different manner. The words “Because I said so!” were not going to fly. That does not mean that there were not times I did resort to… “Because I am the Mom!”
I went into contemplation for the truth, so that I could learn how to have a conversation with someone and get their point of view.
Then we could begin the conversation about whether I felt safe with the choice that they were making.
I also had to learn what detachment really meant so I could detach from the action that the young person was taking and really just talk to them about how it felt.
If we can talk about how the experience felt while we were in it, it begins to help us see whether that particular experience is good for us. With our own eyes and most importantly with our own heart.
The hardest thing for someone watching is letting us scrape our knees.